Two Minute Wonders
by Vicious-Okami
Summary: Two minute wonders. Silly drabbles about the cast of Utena in very random situations in no particular timeline. Language, suggestive. I am ashamed...
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

Two minute wonders. Silly drabbles about the cast of Utena in very random situations in no particular timeline. Features:

Mamiya and Mikage - While pampering Mamiya in the shower Mikage makes an interesting discovery about his so-called Rose Bride.

Touga comes out - Sorry, but Touga is a pansy-ass so why not make him completely gay instead of bi? This is Touga's totally unnecessary coming out story. (btw I support yaoi and yuri...just not Touga).

SURPRISE - A surprise birthday party planned horribly wrong.

And lastly dear readers...to my great shame I present these to you. I'm always trying to improve on my humor musings and this is one of my experiments. Quite the failure too. Everyone is swearing and ghastly out of character but that's okay...I suppose.

Standard disclaimers apply, I do not own Revolutionary Girl Utena, this fanworks and all my others are for entertainment only, I do not make profit off this.


	2. Mamiya and Mikage

**Two Minute Wonders:  
Mamiya and Mikage**

Nightly routine. After a particularly busy day in the Greenhouse I'm bathed by Mikage. He was staring, and staring. He stared like he hasn't seen me naked before.

"Mamiya did you know that you are a woman?" That was unexpected. "No I'm not." He was still staring though not at my face, his gaze was lingering on my chest, "Yes you are." Mikage said, a hand automatically raising to the bridge of his nose. A gesture that meant he was stressed and dellusional.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." Lower his stare went, looking at me down there. Mikage studied me with a strange glint in his eyes, his cheeks flushing a bright tomato red. "Yes you are. You most definitely are." And he backed up.

"No-"

"Just look in the mirror." Mikage interrupted and flung the shower curtain back, urging me to stand in front of the mirror. It was foggy so he even volunteered to wipe it, my reflection was revealed to me. And I must admit I looked glorious. Only problem is my glamour had partially worn off, so I looked like a pretty hermathrodite.

"You're body, Mamiya. " Mikage reminds me, "You're...dickless..." Then he whips around, trying not to panic and failing miserably. He didn't wan't hisrose bride to be a girl.

I shrug, "Oh yeah...about that..." Another shrug.

"Can I finish my shower now?"


	3. Touga Comes Out

**Two Minute Wonders:  
Touga comes out.**

I can not hide it any longer, this secret. It's tearing me up inside. I can no longer smile falsely and flirt with any pretty young lady, I can not sleep with them. For..

"I am gay!" Touga suddenly declared in the middle of the lunchroom. All activety stopped briefly to stare at the handsome playboy. A snort in the back drew his attention.

"Like we didn't already know...pansy ass." Collective laughter, much to his dismay and embarassment.

"How..." Touga begged, "How could you all have possibly known, when I've hid it so well? Have I not made it a point to only be seen in the company of women? Have I not flirted endlessly and bedded the opposite sex?"

"Uhm..." He turned around, coming face to face with a blushing Wakaba.

"I kind of saw you and Saionji in the kendo room about a month ago...I didn't mean to tell it just...slipped."

Touga sweatdropped, scratching at the back of his head, "Oh...alright then...carry on." And walked off, happy ,althrough thoroughly embarassed over making a complete ass of himself, to start a new life, free of secreacy...and women.

"What a dork."


	4. Surprise

**Two Minute Wonders:  
SURPRISE**

The elevator doors creaked open, emitting the soft glow of moonlight. Smiling to herself, Utena stepped inside hoping to find the Headmaster admiring the stars through the skylight. She did find him, however he was hunched over on the couch, a knife in his back, blood pooling from the wound, soaking his shirt and dripping on to his pants. It flooded through the cushions...so much, so much...who knew a person held that much blood in them?

A shiver of moment caught her eye and Utena let out a startled breath, "Who...who's there?" more movement, this time slow and measured and taking on the form of human, shrouded in the elusive darkness lingering in the corners.

"Step in to the light!" Utena demanded, this time a hidden strength in her voice. Who could have done such a horrible thing? She would make sure that this person paid dearly for taking the life of another.

"Is this better, can you see me now?."

No...no, it couldn't be. Utena felt her heartbeat quicken, her eyes widening to an impossible size. Dread and sorrow filled her soul. "Anshi...oh no"  
The lights suddenly flickered on.

"SURPRISE!"

"Wha...huh..."

"Happy Birthday Miss Utena!"

Anshi clapped her hands and giggled, motioning for her brother to get up. He did, a large grin plastered on his face and huge birthday cake in his hands."

"Come out guys."

"Wha...Wakaba, Miki, Juri..." She looked to each of them, "Touga...you...you...Why did you do this?"

"To surprise you of course. Oh, man you should have seen the look on your face _'Who...who's there!'_ " Wakaba squealed.

" _' Show yourself! Or I shall shove the mighty sword of dios up thy arse!'_ " Miki joined in, further humilating their friend.

"You...you ASSHOLES!" Utena stalked to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the 'down' button to actually make the doors slam.

The remaining people looked at each other, shrugged and started the party without the birthday girl.


End file.
